Let me tell you a story: Once upon a time there were two stoner kids. They lived in what could be the safest city in the United States. But they decide that their stoner lifestyle is better than physical safety and decide to come down to my area, a hovel reviled by the people who live there as a den of drug dealers, pimps, and the immigrants and refugees who were somehow duped into living there. If it were possible to charge the US Government with a hate crime, forcing those people to live there would qualify. They came with the belief that securing their drug of choice (marijuana) would be easier, cheaper and more plentiful in their new surroundings. They met up with a dealer and tried to buy some weed.
Now audience, I want you to tell me when they take a turn from stupid to outrageously fucktarded.
The dealer tells our young stoners that alas, he has been beset upon by thieves and cannot sell the stoners any weed as it has all been taken. The stoners' little hearts no doubt fell, so overcome with empathy and compassion for their dealer friend. But, continued the dealer, I know who took it, and you should help me and my two friends here get it back. Then I'll hook you up. No inspirational speech given by warrior-king nor general nor Mel Gibson himself rallied such men so quickly. Of course the stoners would help their dealer friend. Jump in our car guys and we'll go find your thieves. The dealer guided our young stoners to an area bereft of light and, more importantly, witnesses. The dealer produced a handgun and told our young stoners to hand over everything. One stoner was, ironically, too stoned to comply and only lost his cell phone. The other lost his keys, his phone and his wallet with all his cash. The dealer and his two friends leave on foot. Then something amazing happened! The after effects of that rousing battle cry finally reached the permanently delayed portions of our stoners' brains and they leapt forth from their car to pursue and do battle with their dealer turned robber and his robber friends. This lasted exactly as long as it took the dealer to pull out his pistol again and fire a single shot at our stoners, ending their pursuit.
Now, as you may understand, these kids are suicidally stupid. I am actually convinced that their stupidity will kill them. I can understand and appreciate that marijuana is a black market product and that there are inherent risks in obtaining it. However, when a strange man you only know via pseudonym tells you that he doesn't have the product you want, the business transaction is over. If I go looking for a 12 pack of ginger ale at the grocery store, and they tell me they're out (even if the reason is theft) I don't go out looking for the ginger ale thieves or the last buyers. I just go to the next store. It is not my job to provide loss prevention services to my ginger ale dealer. It is not healthy for two stupid kids to provide those same services in an area that will literally eat them and spit out the bones. Further, it's probably time to get skeptical when your dealer, or my ginger ale dealer, asks to get into my car to go get their product back. Lastly, if a man puts a gun to your face, it is not in anyone's best interest to start trying to chase them on foot. If a raccoon takes your pizza slice, you can chase it to get your stuff back. If a seagull steals your shoe at the beach, it's okay to chase it. If a small child grabs your watch and toddles off, you may go get that back. If a grown man puts a loaded gun to your face, you probably don't want to run after them unless you're Iron Man.
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