Saturday, May 25, 2013

Supernatural Occurrences

I'm not a believer in ghosts, the boogie man, or psychics. Really, anything supernatural. That being said, I have encountered two "psychic" episodes while out on the street.

In the first, a man calls 911 and begs for officers to come to his apartment, that he's being robbed at home and they're kicking in the door. We run out, lights and sirens, and find his door intact, no robbers anywhere, and no crime having been committed. We talk to the caller, who says that men are coming to rob him, but that he's hid his property inside his shoe and that nobody will ever find it. About an hour later we get another call, same thing, so we run back out and lo and behold, someone's kicked in the door, and stolen this man's shoe. Of course, he denies having told anyone about it, so the only other explanation as to why gunmen would only take his shoe is that he's part of a secret psychic cabal and owes them money or something.

In the second, we get a call about people fighting out in the parking lot of a gas station. So we roll out and find our people. In true moron fashion, everyone agrees "ain't nothin happen" and that they were merely having a spirited discussion. No doubt about foreign policy and domestic economic theory. We find out where these people live (of course, nobody says they live in that area) and tell them to go home, it's a bad part of town. Every single time an officer utters those words, at least one suspect (who has to absolutely have the last word) will say "Oh, I'm from (Louisiana, Mississippi, California, Arizona, etc etc), so I didn't know."

I'm going to segue for a moment. It's actually quite easy to discern if you're in a good or bad neighborhood if you apply this secret Tibetan monk technique of "looking around". Look around, if you see more than one grown adult male walking around with no shirt and no pool in sight, it's probably a bad neighborhood. If people just hang out in front of the gas station looking back and forth at 3 AM, it's a bad neighborhood. If the gas station has bulletproof partitions, it's a bad neighborhood. If you see lots of police seemingly driving in circles in the area, it's a bad neighborhood. Basically, if you encounter behavior that tells you that most of these people don't have to worry about being up in the morning to go to work, it's probably a bad neighborhood.

Back to the original topic. So this guy feeds us the lie that he's from out of town and didn't know better. Another officer tells him that if he's gonna keep acting up like this he's gonna get shot in this part of town, and he should go home, or even better, go back to (insert fake home state here). 24 hours later (not even joking) we find the dude stabbed 17 times and shot once, hiding under a car in that same intersection we found him.

So the moral of this story, just ask people for winning lotto numbers. You never know who might accidentally predict the future.