One of those days

At a normal job things usually start with coffee. Or checking email. Or catching up on watercooler gossip (this is a 50's office sitcom right?). My day started with "Naked B/F sprinting down [the street]". Well, either the Flash has developed some kind of superfan, or this is another case of "you done had too much PCP". So, first thing's first. We pursue the lady (from the comfort of a vehicle, no sense in getting all sweaty) until she collapses. Then the ambulance wraps her up. Whatever shall I do for entertainment now? Oh look, a known prostitute right across the street, and she's got a parole violation. Come back from that arrest. Grab some dinner? Nope, robbery in progress! Run, we can still catch the bad guys! What's that? You called your roommate to complain about being robbed but didn't even think to call 911? And it's your roommate who called in the "in progress robbery" 20+ minutes after the fact, only after he finally got you to quit bitching over the phone about it? Okay, you're an idiot, good luck getting your stuff back and call the police next time. Maybe I have time to go try to eat dinner again? Oh no, a security officer is being attacked by five juveniles! Better go help him out. Chase the kids off. Maybe now I can OFFICER ASSIST!!! OMG!!! RUN ACROSS THE ENTIRE CHANNEL AND RUN INTO THE WOODS AFTER THEM!! A schizophrenic escaped the hospital and ran off into the woods in a state of excited delirium. We catch him, haul him (literally) back to the hospital and wrestle him into what appears to be a giant fishing net with a pimp's fur collar. Okay, it's almost the end of shift. I better just take it easy and grab a drink. Drive over to the gas station and lo and behold a drunken asshole harassing the clerk and the customers. Son of a bitch.

The Officer Assist

Among officers there is a certain understanding, a code if you will. Regardless of race, gender, creed, we are brothers and we are blue. If trouble befalls one of our brothers then we shall befall that trouble. On one occasion we were setting up for a rather massive raid. 40 vehicles were brought in to raid a single apartment complex with the end goal of nabbing a violent offender. All 40 vehicles met at one location prior to initiating the raid, and just then an assist comes out. A university police officer was fighting four suspects about six blocks up the road. 40 vehicles and their officers immediately forgot about the raid. We'll get that guy later. Right now a brother is in need. We shut down the entire area through sheer saturation. There was absolutely no chance for the suspects to escape and all were caught. The officer was mildly injured but was amazed at the sheer tonnage of help that came for him. And we're not even on the same dept.

And then there's the other side. The ones who abuse, or try to abuse, this code among brothers. There's nothing criminally illegal about having an affair. A marriage, in the eyes of the state, is a civil contract. So an officer sleeping with someone else's wife isn't a criminal act, but it is an immoral one and will likely result in administrative discipline. An officer sleeping with another's wife, and then having the husband come home to catch them will be in a tricky situation. An officer who leaves all his uniform parts and weapons in another room, which the husband finds before catching his wife and the officer will likely lead to a fight or just tragedy. Now if the officer does all that, he should take his lumps, or dish them out, retrieve his equipment and take the punishment he's going to get. What he should not do is call for an assist and attract every officer within 20 miles, as well as helicopters and press, to his location because he was entirely unable to keep his dick inside of his pants, as well as deal with the consequences. That's how you lose your job. Don't do that.

Credibility Issues

There are some things I am prepared to believe. The universe is expanding at a given rate flinging the very stars themselves further apart. I can't observe it, but I trust the astrophysicists when they tell me that this is true. I believe them because I trust their ability to outperform my own ability to measure stellar light and all that. I am willing to believe that Jesus, or Gesua of Nazareth, was crucified sometime around 33AD. I can't prove it, but I am willing to accept that this happened as it is well known that ridiculous numbers of people were nailed to bits of wood in various configurations at the time. What I am not prepared to believe is that you, a man with his pants undone and a condom mounted upon his dick and a known prostitute in the passenger seat, were not about to have sex in your car. I have yet to find the fast food chicken place that requires a condom to go through the drive through. Don't bullshit me.