I'll be honest, I've got nothing. I met a man who was literally walking his penis across the street, before he assaulted a random person in said street. When I say he was walking his penis, I mean he was walking with his fly down, and his penis in his right hand as he crossed the street. My partner and myself were only able to come up with a couple theories before he started punching folks and we had to arrest him.
He was giving his penis a pep talk, telling it to keep its head up.
His penis is a frightened child and needs to hold someone's hand while crossing a street.
His penis functions as a dowsing rod to find liquor/drugs.
Alas, we'll probably never know why he was walking his penis across the street.
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